I have been home, out of work for 5 weeks. I've needed this time to gather "me". These last years, I've lost count have been about others. When I became unemployed I need time to rejuvenate, time to collect myself, time to build my confidence back up. Time for me. I've taken that and run with it, almost quite literally.
Almost everyday since then except for random busy days and some weekend days, I've been working out. I've been eating better. I haven't been depriving myself of anything in particular like sugars or carbs, but I've been making better choices and eating smaller portions. The week before I started this endeavor, I ordered all of Bob Harper's workout DVDs. I couldn't choose 1 or 2, so I bought all of them for $5 each. How could I go wrong? So far? He's pushed me, he's kicked my ass, he's motivated me in ways no one else ever could and I am forever grateful.
Today when I stepped on the scale I had achieved my 20 pound weight loss mark. It was a huge amazing feeling. *I* did this! *I* made the choice to make these changes. I've been recording my food intake and calorie burn in a fitness app on my iPhone called "myfitnesspal" app and it also has been a great tool in this journey. It keeps me accountable. I log EVERYTHING. If I eat it, it gets logged. If I exercise, the calories I burned get entered. If I see a weight loss, it gets posted. It knows everything I've done to get this far. Last week it reminded me that I hadn't updated my goals in the past 10 pounds of weight loss, so with the click of a button, it updated my goals for me and voila I had a new target caloric intake for the day.
I look forward to my workouts...mostly. Most days I can't wait to get home from dropping the kids off at school so I can get home and do my workout. Rare occasions, I come home and think I'm revved up, but collapse on the couch, thinking about working out and then about an hour passes and I give myself the proverbial kick in the ass to get up and MOVE. I usually have just wound up zoned out on what was on tv, and actually just spent most of that time sitting there thinking about what I've done to get this far and ask myself if sitting on the couch is really what I should be doing if I want to continue to see results.
I couldn't imagine I could do this at home. I've tried workout DVDs before with little success. It only took a few days before I was pushing my husband's chair out of the way to make more room in our tiny living room to move around. I switch DVDs everyday. Never usually do the same routine in a row. And I even found my Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD and do that every so often. With that one though, the workouts are only 27 minutes long and because I like to make sure I've put in at least an hours worth of workout, I do all three levels of her DVD for an 80 minute workout. That's what I did today. Tonight my ass is killing me...thank you Jillian!
In addition to the DVDs at home, I've been on a few walks with my neighbor, walking about 4 miles at a clip. It was awesome. I didn't realize we'd walked that far until I clocked it in the car later. I've also been changing up my routine by throwing some Zumba into the mix on Thursday nights. I usually stick to my morning routine on Thursdays as well though. It makes me feel extra good after completing a second workout on Thursday nights. I usually sleep the hardest that night. ;o)
I don't remember the last time I was this weight. I know it's before I was married, it may even possibly be in college. I do know though that I've taken out clothes I've had in my rotation for years that have either never fit me or were always just tight and I wore them anyway regardless of the fact that I may have looked like a stuffed sausage. I do know that I'm happy. I feel amazing. I'm working really hard. I'm determined like never before to make these pounds go away. I don't need them nor want them. I won't look back. Once they're gone, they're gone.
My motivation for doing something now is...well, I've waited long enough. There's always an excuse. Well, I'm home, I'm not working and I have no more excuses to make. I can do this. I need to do this. For my children. For my family. For my grandchildren someday. And gosh darn it, more than anyone or anything else FOR ME!!! I've put myself on the back burner for too long and I'm going to say it. I'm doing this for me!!! I want to be happy with me. I want to be healthy. I want to be able to do things I enjoy. I want to have confidence in myself and my body.
I do have some goals. My long term goal is to compete in a triathlon. I'm not talking anytime in the near future, but someday when I'm satisfied with my health and I feel fit enough, I will compete. My short term goal is to take part in the biathlon near our house. I've done the race before and I want to do it again. It's a 3 mile run and a 1/2 mile swim. In the condition I'm in right now, I'm actually in better condition and weigh less than the last time I took part in this race, so I am confident that come the first weekend in August I will be doing this race and will be ready for it. Bring it on.
Another goal is to try some new things. I've considered stealing my husband's kayak from under our house and finding a lake to put it in and going kayaking for the day. The one thing I absolutely want to try is SUP (Stand Up Paddle boarding). I will get there. I'm not quite ready for that endeavor yet, but it's coming and I will try it this summer sometime.
I have so far to go, but I feel so good about how far I've come. I can do this, I know I can. And everyone has been so supportive, it's been wonderful. It's nice to hear when people notice on their own, without having seen a Facebook or Twitter status update of my latest achievement. Someone I haven't seen or heard from and they see the difference in me, not only my weight loss but in me from the inside out. All the little things keep me going, they keep me fighting to do better, to push harder, to make better food choices. It all comes together to give me the determination I need to keep going.
