It's been a while. It's been a really long while. I'm starting to write this post and it's not feeling like it's going to be a cohesive stream of words, but really a "catch up" post of so many things that have happened over the past 7 months.
I had six months between May and October to write, and mustered up one post. I've come so far since then. Mentally, physically, emotionally...life has evolved.
Today I'm 48 pounds less than I started on May 7th when I was laid off.
I have so much to be thankful for. The summer brought a first experience of summer camp for CJ. She had a blast. She loved her head camp counselor from the UK and camp counselor who doesn't live far from us so we see her often and that makes CJ so happy.
With the arrival of summer and lack of a job for me, we pulled K-man out of daycare to save money there. I thoroughly enjoyed our time together. He and I never had the one-on-one time. Sure we had my maternity leave but never time when he was old enough to interact. It was so much fun to have each other all to ourselves. He kind of became a momma's boy, slightly.
Summer meant trips to grandma's pool and spending time with family and friends. Now, summer feels so far away.
There were times I did despair about searching and searching and not finding a job. I'd put my resume out and no one would call. At one point I had interviews going with 3 different companies, and I thought ONE would come through and yet none of them felt right. One was over an hour away and over a toll bridge. One felt like another toxic environment. And one was a complete change of profession in a politician's office and I was far too beaten down from my previous job to take something on that far outside my box.
I had to let it go. I did let it go. I had to.
And good things happened. On October 22nd as I wrestled with K-man over something he wanted that I didn't want to give him, he screeched as my phone rang. It was a recruiter from a company I sent my resume to. Not the first impression you hope to give a company. Sure enough, I was in for interviews the next day. I came home, feeling good, but not overly confident in my interview. It was what it was. I wouldn't get my hopes up. I took CJ to church for Cherub Choir and said a little prayer. Afterward we went to the grocery store before going home. As we roamed the aisles my phone rang. It was the recruiter offering me freelance for the time being. He asked me when I could start and without hesitation I said, "How about tomorrow?" I didn't know what my exact position was, but neither did they. They needed bodies. It's been a great ride. Shortly after bringing me onboard, they offered me full time and I accepted. I'm 3 months in today, in fact, and I can't say how happy I am. I can honestly say I've never been more happy with a job before. Job posting emails I've been receiving for years and years, in what has felt like the endless search for the perfect job, I've cancelled receiving them. I've waited a long time for this opportunity. So thankful.
And yet, I feel sorta like damaged goods to my company. The mental abuse I endured at my last job, I can't begin to describe. The environment was so toxic. I hoped the six months of unemployment had helped prepare me for starting over. In some ways it did. On my very first day of work at my new job I sat down to write an email and started to cc my boss and others. I paused, "wait, I don't need to cc everyone and their second cousins' uncle, I'm not at my old job anymore." I've made my way through the struggles, mostly, but everyday is a struggle to find my confidence again. I don't want to be broken. I don't want to have to give myself a pep talk every time I want to take on a task. I'm hoping I can break thru the things that are holding me back. It's going to take time.
The holidays were fun this year. The kids had a great time opening gifts on Christmas and we were here, there and everywhere visiting family. New Year's Eve we were fortunate enough to have my niece watch the kids so we could go out and have an adult night out for the first time since becoming parents. It was so much fun. We went to a dinner party at a friend's house and despite the cold we huddled around the fire pit in the back yard and enjoyed each other's company.
As we ushered in the New Year and January, we celebrated CJ's 6th birthday on the 14th. Her choice of party this year was a biuild-a-bear party. But, 6?!?! It seems so crazy to say. How can she be 6? How can she be in kindergarten? Oh, yes, kindergarten. What a fun transition this has been. She's adjusted, but it was challenging. 1/2 day daycare kindergarten, 1/2 day school district kindergarten. A truly antiquated system and injustice to kids these days to have 1/2 day school district kindergarten. No fun. Poor CJ, it's been a rough couple months.
All in all, we've been keeping busy chasing after two kids. They've taken up gymnastics and been having a ball with it. It helps burn off some energy on Saturday mornings. K-man is getting so big and will be two in just less than two short months. I can't believe it. He's got quite the little personality and I love seeing him and his sister interact these days. She's slightly less smothering and he's more tolerant. They are carbon cutouts of each other.
We shall see where 2013 takes us. For now...if you've made it this far, you're a trooper. Thank you for reading (or not) and goodnight from the East Coast.
*Midge*
