My daughter struggled with her baby brother coming home and actually becoming part of the family. She never said she wanted him to go, I think she just wasn't sure what to do now that the attention wasn't 24/7 focused on her anymore. So she started throwing tantrums, acting out, having so called "accidents" in her underwear that weren't accidents at all, but more intentional for attention and generally being an unruly 4 year old. I never expected her to react this way. She's 4. I thought she would be old enough to accept him. She LOVES him, don't get me wrong, she just didn't know what to do with herself after she realized she wasn't the only one occupying the center of mommy and daddy's world any longer. Now she had to share mommy and daddy.
We worked thru a lot of things in the past few months. Bedtime routine was buttoned up and she stopped throwing out every excuse in the book in order to delay bedtime and get under our skin in the process. She stopped having "accidents" on purpose. Tantrums were fewer and far between. We've been a happier home. I attributed the turnaround in her behavior to her brother being moved in to sleep in their room. She was lonely in there by herself in the first couple months after he came home. She saw that brother was sleeping in mommy and daddy's room and she was all by herself in their room. Where's the fun in that?
Last week I went to empty the little trash can in the bathroom and take the garbage out. The trash bin was heavy. There were diapers in it, but they wouldn't have been that heavy. The bottom after emptying out the container still had a couple stray items stuck to the bottom of it. They had a light yellowish hue. Instantly I knew what it was. So I confronted my daughter. I asked her if she peed in the trash bin in the bathroom. She replied "no". I asked her again. And again. And over again. It wasn't until I told her "You are not going to be in trouble, but you need to tell me the truth, did you pee in the trash bin?" She finally relented and told the truth, "yes". I told her thank you for telling the truth, told her it was unacceptable to do such a thing and walked away. Done. Afterall, I promised she wouldn't be in trouble. Meanwhile, I'm reeling wondering why in the hell she peed on this trash bin. What in her mind makes her want to do something like this? I let it drop. What else could I do?
This morning I was getting everyone out of the house including my niece who I was transferring back to my sister. On one of my trips over to the front door I opened the door and put my key in the lock, just one less thing I would have to do when it was time to go. When I started making noise that it was time to go, my daughter bee lined for the front door and waited for us by sitting on the bottom front step. When it was finally walk out the door time, I was doing the juggling act of carrying 5 bags and a baby and getting my niece out the door too. She went down the stairs and when she got to the bottom and walked away I noticed a round wet spot on the brick walkway. It hadn't rained since last night and the rest of the walkway was dry. Not really thinking THAT much of it, I nonchalantly asked my daughter what it was, knowing she had been sitting right there and would know. She quickly replied with a sheepish look on her face "I peed". I just near lost it. I continued to the car, put the baby in his seat, asked my niece to stay in the car with him and took my daughter back in the house to get changed.
Now, not only had she peed somewhere OTHER THAN A TOILET, she messed with the flow of our morning. We would've been on time. She specifically pulled out this outfit she wanted to wear with Hello Kitty on it. She now couldn't wear that. When we finally got back in the car the baby was screaming. I made sure she understood why he was upset. Maybe that's what she wanted. Maybe she's looking for ways to take the attention off of her brother. I don't know. I just don't know what to do anymore. She had a choice, she was going to be punished. No more Mr. nice guy. There were going to be consequences.
Her first option: When we get to school I ask her teacher if children who don't use the potty are allowed in her Pre-K room this year? I wouldn't let on what actually happened, it would just be a general question.
Her second option: She goes without tv for the entire day today.
She chose no tv.
Now, when I texted my husband to tell him about all this because HE would have to be the one to enforce the "no tv" rule, he replied "don't you think no tv is a little harsh?" If I could've reached through my iPhone and pinch him, I would've. No…no, I don't think it's harsh. He has no idea what I go through to get 2 kids out of the house in addition to myself in the morning. No idea what a juggling act it is to keep the baby happy long enough to get our act together and the 4 year old away from her brother so I know he's safe and she's not feeding him a penny or something. On any given day I have to get us dressed, get our bags together, get my bottles together for pumping, make sure she has a bathing suit and towel because God forbid she can't run through the sprinkler at camp, get the baby's bottles in his bag, let the dog out, brush our teeth, let the dog in, get my lunch together, and the list goes on and on and on. He doesn't get it. It's not only about the fact she peed where she absolutely should NOT have, she made our morning even more difficult than it already is.
I really have high hopes for "5" because "3" and "4" have been greatly challenging. Six more month to "5" but I'm clinging for dear life to the hope it gets better and these antics stop. It is a really good thing she's so darn cute and I love her so much. I'm in denial she will ever be a teenager because THAT is whole world.
No comments:
Post a Comment