I have been struggling with blog topics for quite a while. I really need to bite the bullet and blog my birth story of the baby but I haven't found my oomph to do it yet. I need inspiration. After long days I just can't think of new material to write about. Give me a topic to write about and I might have a better chance to take it somewhere. I thought hey, maybe someone has thought of an app for that, sure enough I did a search and found one called "365 Topics Calendar". $1.99? Perfect...exactly what I need to get motivated. Download! When I opened the app the screen came up to choose a month. I figured, well...I'll pick today. I tapped on July, then on the 14th. The topic for today is:
"How do you let go of the things you cannot control?"
I'm thinking about it.
And thinking.
What DO I do when I need to let go? I do know it isn't easy for me to let go. I am an analyzer, I might even be an over-analyzer. If a situation comes up, I think about that one thing long and hard. I approach it from every conceivable angle to try and gain a strong hold on it. Usually renders a useless effort. Sometimes though I catch myself obsessing over that one thing. If I'm lucky enough to get to that point, I can usually stop myself, step back and redirect. But, then what?
Well the few times I have been completely out of control that I can think of are very personal times in my life. First ones that come to mind are when we were trying to get pregnant. It just wasn't working for us. After months and even years of trying I threw up my hands, it was out of my control. I FINALLY admitted it. I finally stopped stressing about it. I just stopped, dropped and prayed. Literally.
I will never forget the moment I let it go when I decided to stop trying to get pregnant the first time around. We were in church the day of my husband's birthday. I went up for Communion and when I got back to our pew, I dropped to my knees and prayed...and cried. I, in my own way, let it all go. There comes a time when I try so desperately to remain in control that I become anything BUT in control. I can no longer think clearly. I let it all go that day in church. I didn't want the burden, the pressure anymore of trying to get pregnant. It would happen if and when it was supposed to happen. I kid you not, I was pregnant the next day!
You would think I would learn to just let. go. sooner. Learn that if I resign myself to the fact that I am not the one in control and it is not at all about MY plans and just stop torturing myself sooner, life would be much easier. Learn that if I can just throw my hands up sooner and just say a little prayer, maybe I could start feeling a little more at peace. It really is an amazing feeling to let things go, I just have a hard time remembering that in the heat of battle for control.
Is it the crying...that is my tangible sign of letting something go? My way of getting it out? My way of relinquishing control? Maybe. Or is it the praying? I am a spiritual person, I'm sure it has something to do with it. Maybe it's a combination of the two. Whatever it is, the relief is often not too far behind.
What do you think? How do YOU let go of things you cannot control?
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Letting go
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I think this & ink color may be the only two ways in which we differ. When something begins to weigh on me & I need to decide what to do, the very first question I ask myself is "Do I have *any* control over this situation?" If I do, then I'm full speed ahead with the examination of every possible solution (I *am* a Libra after all). But if the answer is no, then I breathe slowly, remind myself it is out of my hands and...just let it go. There's no real way to explain how I let it go. I guess I just tell myself I am making the only decision I can: drive myself crazy pointlessly since there isn't any thing productive I can actually do or just let it go.
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